Swazi Pick-Up Lines

July 6, 2010
6:55pm

Daily, hourly when outside of my community, I get hit on by men, as does the rest of the female population. Someone at home acted jealous by this news, but I can assure you “minor sexual harassment” or more accurately put “plain annoying” are better ways to describe the encounters. According to some trusted Swazi friends, there is a traditional saying that goes something like, “Don’t ever let a woman pass without being appreciated”. Throughout the years that idea has boiled down to men, young and old, feeling compelled to call out to total strangers with an array of pick-up lines. There is little hope that anything will develop out of these propositions, but they try nonetheless. The ones most commonly used, in order of frequency, are:


1st Place: “I want to marry you” / “Do you have a husband?” (FYI – Having a husband rarely stops the conversation that inevitably follows.

2nd Place: “I love you”

3rd Place: “Give me your number”

Being here for a year, I have tried out MANY different responses to discourage this very blunt affection. My favorites in the past have been, “I can’t cook, so you will have to cook for me”, “It will cost too much to send cows to my father in America”, “I’m worth too many cows”, “Angifuni (I don’t want)”, or “I don’t love someone who doesn’t ask my name first”. These answers would usually get laughs and/or “HOW” (an exclamation not a question – learned that the hard way) or “EESH”.
The cooking answer would be a blow to the most common sex roles in Swaziland, and the cow response utilizes the traditional process called Labola. To “buy” a wife, a man must give cows (Labola) to the woman’s family. Depending on negotiations and the woman’s surname the amount of cows (or in value cash) could range from 10-25. Since I am a Dlamini, my Labola would be at least 20 cows. Our friend Brandon once was advised not to give up “his white women” for less than 25 cows. (PS I’m priceless… not enough cows for me in the entire country of Swaziland!!). And yes, this process of “buying a bride” bothers me to no end. And digressing further into this topical tangent, this traditional process is another factor to why there are even more unmarried mothers. Men can “claim” a woman by having a child by her, but then they are almost never made to pay Labola and marry the woman in either the traditional or Western societal sense. My sisi has an ADORABLE baby boy by a man who has other children with other women, and he is not married to any of them.

Back on topic, my responses were usually not the end of the conversation. I am amazed by the counter positions so fiercely held by the men. Sometimes the unwanted banter would continue to a frustrating point where the childish “Why? .... But why? .... Why?” would surface. Grr. This is not the way you want to spend a 3-5 hour bus ride. I am happy to say that I have finally created the most perfect comeback for an HIV/AIDS educator in Swaziland to use! It goes like this:
“Well, I can’t marry or love a man that does not protect himself and his family. To do this he must do four things. He must get circumcised, get tested for HIV, be faithful to only me, and use a condom every time he has sex”.

These four are, of course, the most statistically significant male health behavior change prevention methods against the transmission of HIV. Everyone has been taken aback by this response. Some are too uncomfortable to bother me more with stupid, fruitless proposals, but some guys actually push forward. This gives me the perfect opportunity to educate. The conversation takes a different avenue, in which I’m in control, and beneficial information can be relayed. Yay! That is now my one and only response to obnoxious, unoriginal, Swazi pick-up lines. Being so conditioned to them, though, I might swoon at “Hi. What’s your name?” in the future. Ha ha!